15 May 2008
one long identity crisis
that's what i think gradschool is. 6-10 years of not knowing...who knows what. not knowing anything? not knowing what you don't know? not knowing everything? this is sounding kind of negative--but i don't mean it that way. i find the crisis quite exhilarating, actually. my latest crisis is not knowing what kind of professor/scholar i want to be. a wise wise person once told me that it's important to realize one's academic "ceiling"--one's intellectual capacity. as much as i think that's great advice and as much as i respect all advice coming from this wise person, i think i'm unwisely going to take a different route. i say always assume you don't have a ceiling. i say push beyond the limit as if you totally can. anyhow, that's my new MO and i might go down in flames. but flames are fun. flames are exciting. and hey, if this job doesn't have any flames, then i might as well go do something that will actually make money at a fraction of the time cost.