as long as i'm recklessly wasting time online, i thought i might as well write a blog post. and don't worry, i haven't forgotten about my new hobby. i will post movie stuff up here soon,
but tonight, i feel like writing about my dissertation.
here's the deal. i can't seem to get past square one. i've been at square one for FOREVER. FFFORRREEEVVVERRR. forever. square one is getting a topic (meaning, in this case, a legit question) with a research trajectory. unfortunately, i'd apparently been going at it all backwards. i was starting at big grand sweeping conclusions. but my chair says, quite rightly of course, that i actually have to start with information from which i can later draw these sorts of conclusions. sheesh. whatever. SO, i made up some questions with some possible research trajectories and sent them off to my chair. we are struggling a bit to meet about them--hopefully that will happen soon--but in the meantime, i've been researching one of the questions further, and i have to say that it is quite overwhelming. which is a little bit scary and makes me feel like i'll never, ever leave square one and i'll be a failure forever. the end.
3 comments:
I can't say anything profound or helpful. Just have to ask, did you post that at 4:05 am, because that's the posted-at time I see (and your other recent postings are at around 2:00 am)?
Wish you could come along to London for the 6 months--we'll miss you.
Hang in there.
Oh no! That's the worst. But I'm sure it's a totally normal feeling too. I mean, you're doing a PhD. A PhD!! It's supposed to be like the hardest thing you'll ever do right? I'm sure at least half of the people who've done them felt like this at some point. But you're fully capable, don't worry you'll get there!!!
Oh Anna--I hate it. I hate that moment you are in...and the way it stretches out to seem like it will never ever end. And "what the crap" has to be thrown in there too...mostly in honor of your Prof and the inability to have generating connections and conversations. I wish I could come vent with you and that in that venting we would come up with a plan that made the way forward seem better and easier. But it will happen, Anna. And it will be a true accomplishment. And you will look back with slight terror and great peace. Love you forever.
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