confession

so, i'm trying to write a paper over here and this, i'm sure, is just procrastination. also, it may not be altogether prudent to post this on a blog, but i just can't keep it in: i'm awkward when it comes to talking to professors. there it is. wish i could get over it, because i actually LOVE talking to them, and kind of thrive on communication with professors, yet i'm quite lame at it. is it that i can't think of anything to say? is it that i get nervous and then say stupid stuff and then obsess about all the stupid things i said later? is it that i'm secretly worried that i don't know enough cultural references to keep up with what they're talking about? is it that it kind of feels like one can't pry and ask the same questions of a prof that one can of a peer? perhaps. probably. i don't know. i can't get enough of it, though.

what i want

you know what i want? here's what i want: i want to be able to do a project that is worth doing. that's interesting and that has an argument with legs that can walk around. and i want to have the stamina and focus and the patience and the mental and psychical ability to spend the time that it takes to do that kind of project. and i want a chair who believes that i can do that and who will push me to do that. (not to say that my chair doesn't believe that). and i want to be the kind of student whose work convinces their chair to believe that.

that's what i want.

greats of fall 2009

approaching the end of the semester. wowzers. i felt a hankering for another list and was inspired by a friend's blog. her sibs are doing best of 2009, but, in celebration of finals week, i thought a focus on the semester might be nice:

10. some really good conversations of late with profs. yay!
9. sushi nights with grad friends--delicious food and company.
8. TLS, and the upcoming best-christmas-party-ever.
7. great roomies (sad to not live with the loverly a.m.p. now, though--that part does not go on the greats list).
6. successful moves and channeling richard bennion.
5. having sj here for thanksgiving! love, love her.
4. interesting reading groups.
3. reading enlightenment lit.
2. hilarious, adorable students and some fun film screenings.
1. compiling very cool and intimidating list for comps.

not sure why i counted backwards from 10. the excitement and suspense of it, probably :) i have more, though, so i may have to do another 10.

oh (can't wait for another list): discovering the cupcakery. that place is crazy!