list making

is something i love to do. which is funny, because they never seem to work right for me--i lose them, or i get distracted by things not on the list, and then i don't end up crossing anything off. yet i keep making them. and i think i'm going to make more lists today. i need to make lists on:

*work out schedule (now that i have almost unlimited free time!)
*reading schedule
*reading list
*cleaning list
*to do list for today
*to do list longer term

i guess the first two aren't really lists. whatever.

also, what is the deal with post-semester blues? i feel like i'm living in the nothing. nothing sounds good--not reading, not cleaning, not napping, not going for a walk, not painting my nails, not jogging, not cooking, not watching tv. only two things sound any good--going to visit eg brooke and lizzy g and going to six flags. i am just in blah mood. zero zero zero motivation. to even move. so, i'm hoping that making some lists will help snap me out of my post semester yucky place. if i can get up the ganas to actually write them.

that's it! i'm doing the dishes.

one long identity crisis

that's what i think gradschool is. 6-10 years of not knowing...who knows what. not knowing anything? not knowing what you don't know? not knowing everything? this is sounding kind of negative--but i don't mean it that way. i find the crisis quite exhilarating, actually. my latest crisis is not knowing what kind of professor/scholar i want to be. a wise wise person once told me that it's important to realize one's academic "ceiling"--one's intellectual capacity. as much as i think that's great advice and as much as i respect all advice coming from this wise person, i think i'm unwisely going to take a different route. i say always assume you don't have a ceiling. i say push beyond the limit as if you totally can. anyhow, that's my new MO and i might go down in flames. but flames are fun. flames are exciting. and hey, if this job doesn't have any flames, then i might as well go do something that will actually make money at a fraction of the time cost.