well, it came a long time ago i guess. but now i think i'm getting closer to accepting it. the time has come to take charge of my academic life. i feel like a thrive in a mentor-mentee relationship. i thrive on pushes and encouragement from professors. however, the time has come to realize that i'm going to have to push myself. that i'm going to have to be the motivator, here. (i guess i have an option to actually ask one of my profs to push me--but i don't feel good about that. i think i'm too proud. and maybe this is a problem. maybe i like being upset about this. being the martyr. and if that's the case, i will really hate that i'm being that way. martyrs are not very fun people. so, let's hope that that's not the case. at any rate--it's not comfortable for me to ask a prof to do that). anyhow, i feel alone. and i'm going to keep myself company. and we're going to have a good time. and we're going to kick trash. because that's why one goes to gradschool. it's going to be hard to stop wanting that kind of validation. but that is what must be done. because the time has come.
anyhow, please excuse the fact that is apparently whine-blog! how annoying. please scroll down for happy post that i also posted today. i actually tried to make that post be at the top of my blog, but can't figure out how.