??

I'm having the tiniest little pity party over here right now and I feel like blogging (which, for me, is a sort of pretend talking things out--this blog is kind of like a sounding board/confidante  i'm not convinced this is a good or healthy thing--my confidante isn't even a person??  isn't this what happens in wall-e?--but in this particular mood i just can't bring myself to care about or think about those implications too much.  i suppose i could just talk about these things to myself out loud, but writing is sort of cathartic.  also, now that i live alone, i am far too prone to talk to myself--today i complimented myself on dinner and then thanked myself for the compliment.  somebody's got to do it and it may as well be me.)  Anyhow, as I was saying, pity party, wanting to blog, blah blah blah, but I'm not sure exactly what I want to blog about (excuse the preposition). 

so, some random things:

1.  I wish I had made my chair more proud of me.  I wish I were more worth being proud of, academically.  My bad!

2.  I'm freaking out about how much I can't do this dissertation.

3.  As much as I'm freaking out, I DON'T want to do it.  I am not in the mood. 

4.  I don't know how to do this--when did I lose that knowledge/ability?

Oh, this isn't making me feel better.

{this won't either, but I've got to get it out: i am a super unproductive reader, which paralyzes me in my reading, and then i'm not ready to write because my reading is so unproductive, so i'm a HUGE rut and i don't know how to get out!!--wow, that was surprisingly hard to write.  my rut is so deep that i don't even want to face the rut itself.  yikes.}

...


Ok!  Operation feel better.  Hmm.

Let's talk about happy things.

10 good things I did today:
1.  I worked out.  Yay!
2.  I got my bike fixed and rode it.  Yay!
3.  I picked up eye glasses for a guy in my branch.  Yay!
4.  I cleaned my washer and started my laundry.  Yay!
5.  I met with President Kubik about my calling.  Yay!
6.  I made a tasty dinner.  Yay!
7.  I bought straws.  Yay!
8.  I cracked a library book.  Yay!
9.  I ate relatively healthfully.  Yay!
10.  I resisted going over my new tv watching limit.  Yay!

Yay for happy things.